Movie and Dinner

Typing away at my computer I looked across the room at Mom-ita to see what she’s doing. I know already – she’s on her computer, sitting at the coffee table surfing the web and alternately watching what’s on the TV – but I look anyway. We can see each other but not each other’s computer screens. We say a few words to each other once in a while, perhaps I go in to see what’s on the TV if I hear something interesting, before going to back to my work. 

If I go in to sit on the couch next to her I know she will look up at me in surprise, an almost, “What’s this about?” question hanging in the air between us. Our relationships with our computers have become close. 

When do we have time to talk to each other without M-ito around? When do other parents talk to each other? We have car rides, but only if we talk low, because these days M-ito wants in on all conversations. “I’m bored!” is his refrain if we leave him out. We’ve debated getting him an ipod just so he can occupy himself with it – only he gets car sick so that is risky. We have our evenings after he is asleep. That is if one of us (usually me) doesn’t fall asleep with him. We have the time before we go to bed, while lying next to each other, if neither of us is reading or, again in my case, not falling asleep. The day is long and we are both pretty tired by the time sleep catches us. We’ve also always been on different rhythms, mine an earlier one, hers a later one. We have our computer time when our individual work gets done, emails, yoga business, maybe some writing.

Perhaps it’s time we had a date? It has been a long time since we’ve had dinner together, without M-ito – or seen an adult movie or even any movie for that matter, that we sat all the way through. Last one was Space Chimps (horrible) and WallE (wonderful) but left with 45 minutes remaining in each so I don’t know what happens in either of them. M-ito get’s scared or bothered by the loud sound (we bring ear plugs to help with this) or he gets afraid for characters he cares about – and we have to leave before the movie is over.

I tell new parents all the time – make time for your baby. Now, I think, I need to tell myself to make time for Mom-ita and me.

First Tooth

We were sitting in Park Slope on the corner of 9th Street and 7th Avenue, eating Pizza. Mom-ita had an appointment and M-ito and I were going to Prospect Park to play ball with our new baseball mitts. M-ito turned towards us with a hesitant smile on his face after spitting something into his hand. “My tooth came out!”

Mom-ita started crying and I put on a happy face and gave my son a high five, low five, and some paw (reference: Mel Brooks Spaceballs). Inside my heart broke with both happiness at his growing up and leaving this symbol of his childhood behind, and sadness for his growing up. I want him to always be the same and I want him to grow into the wonderful man I know he will be – both at the same time. It reminds me of my own mortality too and makes me watch over my shoulder for the dance of my own death. All of this over the wonderful moment of a first tooth falling out. These more painful thoughts fled quickly.  There was a little blood, some trepidation, then a big smile on M-ito’s face, followed by our hugs. I took pictures and his gap-toothed smile peers back at me.

“This one will go in the yearbook,” I say.

I don’t remember losing my first tooth. But my family memories from that time are not very happy.

I hope the moment stays with him as joyous. I know the five dollars we put under his pillow later that night – from the “tooth fairy” – will probably not.

He said he thought the “tooth fairy” would leave him ten dollars. I told him there was a recession so five was all he’d get. I think the fact that he has finally caught up to his friend’s who have all lost one or more baby teeth already is probably compensation enough.

“What about the tooth fairy?” he asks Mom-ita. “How does she get in our bedroom? Where does she come from?” I didn’t hear her answer but I imagine she’s giving an illusive answer. If our son believes in a tooth fairy we’re not going to stop him. Losing a tooth is enough to give up in one day.

Prioritizing

We were in the car, late for going to Pop-pops house (and Pop-pop is on top of the time element so we’re feeling the pressure). I was driving. Mom-ita was angry with us because we took so long to clean up after ourselves in the morning. First I did my yoga, then there was the game with M-ito we had to play, we got dressed, had breakfast, and finally, while Mom-ita was running around trying to get ready to leave, we picked up toys and put some of them away.

“The two of you,” Mom-ita began. “What were you doing all morning? We needed to get out of the house and the both of you were dilly-dallying and not doing anything.”

I looked back at M-ito and shrugged. Then I nodded at Mom-ita and went back to watching the road.

“You weren’t prioritizing what had to be done first.”

“Mom-ita, I was too!” M-ito shouted from the back seat. “I was too … even though I don’t even know what that means.”

Mom-ita stopped in mid-thought and looked at me. Then all three of us laughed.

A while later M-ito asked, “So what does prioritizing mean?”