Sitting on the Bench
Posted by Dad-dito on May 9, 2008
I never used to sit on the bench. Oh, sure in baseball when I was 8 and couldn’t catch a ball if my life depended upon it, and they stuck me in right field only when the coach had to play me, as he had to play all his players at least three innings – and I only played three innings a game for a long time until I had the miracle happen and I caught a ball – well… I sat on the bench. But with M-ito, I have always been up and playing with him, watching him to make sure he didn’t fall, chasing him up and down the playground structures, sliding down the poles before him and creating a safe net for him to fall into. I have felt the change happening. I’ve felt the pull of the bench with my tired bones. It’s been happening a little bit at a time all year. Less, “Dad-dito can you play with me,” and more, “Stay here.”
Then, a few days ago I was at the park with him and a few of his kindergarten friends – one of our friends was watching M-ito and I met them there after I finished work. I said hello to my son with a wave when I arrived and he waved back but went right back to chasing his friends. I sat on the bench with two of M-ito’s friend’s moms and talked to them with one eye peeled for M-ito.
When the two friends left half an hour later and it was only M-ito and me and another friend with a babysitter, I got up to play a little with him. M-ito directed me back to the bench.
“Can I play a little longer?” he asked me.
“Sure,” I said, sitting back down.
He guided me there as if to say, You sit there and watch.
I sat back down and another dad sat down next to me. He was holding an infant, maybe eight months old, in his arms, a bit uncomfortably. He was watching an older child from there and only barely aware of the bundle in his arms. I nodded to him. He didn’t notice.
M-ito will still ask me to play with him when no other kids are around. But we’ve definitely turned a corner. I’m a dad-dito who is no longer needed as a full-time play thing, when friends are around. I’m both sad and relieved, at the same time. Sad, because an era has passed and I feel that loss deeply. Relieved, because so many times at the park I just want to sit down and talk to other parents for a little while – talk and rest – and now I can. What a strange mix of emotions to be filled with while my little boy plays and grows.
